everything is not okay
by fanficfan888
Summary: a post "tomatoes" nick and jess story, starting right where we left off in the episode, at the end of their passionate fight.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: This story starts right after the fight that Nick and Jess have at the end of "Tomatoes". She screams "quitter" at the end and that's where the story starts. ALSO: I do not own anything New Girl! **

**Another Note: This is my first fic! It's not very good but please do read and review so I can get some indication of whether or not I should keep at this, story writing thing! Happy reading!**

"Quitter!"

Jess could hear her own words ringing in her ears as she stomped her way to the kitchen, without purpose or aim. She could barely catch her breath or even see clearly, she was so mad. Leaning against the kitchen counter to collect herself, she dropped her head in defeat. Why had she reacted like that to Caroline? Surely it was because Nick could do better, could move on, could stop complicating his life more and more. That had to be it.

Whatever it was, she knew one thing for sure: Nick made her livid. It wasn't just the fact that he avoided his own potential like the plague, all the while donning flannel and his stupid turtle face. It was his aimless intransigence, his inability to see the silver lining in anything, his preference for cereal over eggs, his irrational fear of blueberries, his little idiosyncrasies that led to countless instances of banter between them, and a million other infuriating things. She grabbed a glass and filled it to the rim with ice and water, in an attempt to cool down—her body was on fire.

As she stood cross-armed against the counter, gulping down the water, the irrational rage began to clear away. Who was she kidding. She didn't hate Nick. She loved the fact that he was an underdog who couldn't meet his potential and kept an Idea Notebook. She daydreamed about him and he'd always be in his usual flannel. His turtle face was endearing, his pessimism was a challenge. Their angry exchanges were always underpinned by an electricity that excited her, a spark that made things interesting, a passion that was undeniable.

Electricity. Spark. Passion. That's what she was looking for, wasn't it? As her chest heaved up and down and temples pulsated like post-fight aftershocks, Jess admitted to herself something she always kind of, sort of knew. She liked Nick's casual attitude, and his down in the dumps disposition. She liked dwelling on the meaningful glances they exchanged, and the tender touches they shared every night before she went to bed. She liked the fact that he knew her favorite ice cream, and where she kept her tap shoes, and who her favorite students were. She liked Nick's taste in music. She liked Nick's choice of cologne.

She liked Nick.

The admission was a bitter one, what with Caroline down the hall, most likely whispering sweet nothings into his ear, and running her fingers through his hair, and doing other things Jess decided she did not want to think about. Coming out of a ridiculously recent breakup with Russell was bad enough; she did not want to have to grapple with her new feelings AND jealousy all at the same time.

She sighed heavily and put the empty glass into the sink. Too many things were happening too fast and Jess decided it was best to sleep on them. She took her blazer and shoes off and began walking towards her room, praying all the while that she wouldn't get an earful of Nick and Caroline. As she made her way, a sight in boxers and a white tee made her stop dead in her tracks. Nick was sitting alone on the couch.

Jess didn't know whether to stay still or walk faster, but Nick made that decision for her.

"Jess. Wait".

Jess turned around slowly and uttered a confrontational "What is it Nick" in a more aggressive tone than she had planned. Nick leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his eyes focused on hers.

"I like your pajama outf—your pajamas".

Jess was caught off guard. "What?"

"I like your freaking pajamas, Jess! I like that you bake things, they make the loft smell nice. I like that you tell me how to live my life, I don't know what I'd do without your help".

Jess didn't know how to respond, what to say. She stood in front of him, shoes and jacket in hand, shoulders slouched, face expressionless. He got up and began walking towards her, stopping only to leave a distance of several feet between them.

"I've never seen you this mad, Jess. I hate that I made you this mad."

Nick looked overcome with regret and Jess was touched. With words failing her, she put her shoes and blazer on the ground, and pulled Nick into a tender embrace. She put her arms around his neck and he put his around her waist, pulling her into him, burying his face into her coconut-smelling, thick hair. She twirled some stray curls at the back of his head between her fingers as she told him that she was sorry too and that she was angry because she had broken up with Russell and that she was only looking out for him when she criticized Caroline. On mentioning the end of her relationship though, Nick broke away from their embrace.

"You broke up with Russell?"

"Yeah. We both wanted different things from the relationship. It wasn't going to work out". Her voice was breaking slightly and it was clear she was upset. Nick grabbed her shoulders but tenderly this time, rubbing his thumbs along the ends of her collar bone, pushing away strands of hair from her neck and lightly grazing her nape, staring intensely into her eyes.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, sweetie", he whispered softly. Jess could feel her resolve melting away. Why was he being so nice to her after everything she said to him? Why had he not gone back to his room, back to Caroline? The countless thoughts swarming her brain didn't even allow her to realize that their foreheads were now touching, Nick's hands still on her shoulders, now moving in a slow up-down motion. Jess grabbed one of his hands and began interlacing her fingers with his, the other wrapped around his other arm. She could feel his hot breath on her and hear his heartbeat. She could smell what was clearly women's perfume on his shirt but she could still sense his woody, masculine scent behind all that sweetness. She had difficulty breathing and seeing clearly again but this time, it wasn't anger that was causing it.

As she rested her head on Nick's shoulder, the sight of Caroline's shoes outside Nick's door awoke Jess rudely to reality. Caroline. Nick had just slept with Caroline. Again. They were back together. Again. Jess pulled away.

"Isn't Caroline waiting for you?"

Nick tucked loose strands of hair behind Jess' ear. "I know you think she's wrong for me".

"What I think isn't important Nick."

"That's not true, Jess. I want to know what you think. I _have_ to know what you think."

The last part of Nick's proclamation was said with a marked severity in tone. Jess wasn't sure what he was playing at. He took her small hands in his, pulled them to the center of his chest, and looked into her eyes.

"Jess. I know you think Caroline is bad for me because we had a terrible relationship and that I need to move on." He paused as he gently caressed her wrists. "But can you give me any other reason to not get back with her?"

Jess began to speak. "I can give you ten reasons Nick, and I'm sure Schmidt and Winston can come up with another twenty".

He interrupted her. "No, I don't care what Schmidt and Winston think, Jess. I'm asking _you—_can you give me any reason at all for why I shouldn't walk back into that room-and give Caroline another shot?"

Jess was speechless. What did Nick want to hear from her anyway? That she wanted nothing more than to kick Caroline out of the loft and spend the night in his arms? That she was aching to taste every inch of him? That she wanted to be the one he called "babe" and fight with him and make love in an endless cycle of passion and bliss?

Nick pulled her close to him again and brought his lips to Jess' ears, almost lightly kissing her earlobe, making Jess even weaker in the knees.

"Just tell me", he whispered while rubbing the small of her back. "Just say it, Jess, and she'll be out that door".

Jess felt a lump building in her throat. Her heart was racing but with more fear than excitement. What if he was wrong for her? What if Caroline and him could find happiness again and volatile, confused Jess got in the way of that? What if things between herself and him ended up not working out? She could lose a close friend, a confidante, a roommate. Even amongst all these doubts, Jess knew that a relationship with Nick would be a flurry of intensity, tenderness, and devotion. Was she ready for that?

It was only after Nick pulled back that Jess realized she had taken too long to answer. Nick let go of her waist, his eyes shifting nervously from her eyes to his feet. It was also at that moment that Caroline opened the door to Nick's bedroom.

"Nick? What's taking you so long? Is everything okay?"

Everything was not okay and both Jess and Nick were uncomfortably aware of that.

**Author's Note: Hope you guys enjoyed this. I wanted to set the tone for what I feel will permeate the last two episodes of the season. I wrote this a few days ago but im JUST being allowed to upload this now since I just formally joined a couple of days ago. PLEASE let me know what you guys think! First fic i've ever, ever written in my whole life and i'm shakin' in my boots!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello all! Thank you everyone for the exceedingly lovely, heartwarming reviews/story alerts/etc! Couldn't have imagined a better response for my first ever fic, you guys are just the best! I'm new to this so I didn't get back to all the reviewers individually. But I've realized it's nice when people to do that (you know who im talking to, AmiserableLove!) so I'll hopefully do the same this time around!**

**Really sorry for how long this update took, I've been REALLY bogged down with work and this was only supposed to be a one-shot at first. But because of the response, I just had to update! **

**This chapter isn't as good as it could've been because I rushed it but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless. PLEASE read the song lyrics, don't skim over them, they're important to the storyline :) Happy reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with New Girl (sadly)**

Jess sat at the kitchen counter, freshly bathed, in a new pair of pajamas, sipping on her favorite herbal tea. "Anything to make me feel better", she thought to herself while she reluctantly but helplessly recounted the events of the day. After their intimate post-altercation encounter, an event Jess replayed in her head over and over again in regret, Nick and her had barely interacted. They had talked a bit at the bar about "backsliding". They watched TV with the guys before going to bed. But the tender moments and whispered conversation they'd once shared seemed like relics of a forgotten, very distant past. Jess' failure to own up to her feelings that night drove Nick right into Caroline's arms.

Today was even worse. After helping Paul propose to his girlfriend, Jess realized that she needed to come clean to Nick and make their relationship simple. Caroline was a stop-gap in Nick's quest to regain himself and Jess knew the only person who could make him really, truly happy was herself. She rushed home to tell Nick she would be there for him, that he deserved love, that they deserved a chance with eachother. He ended up telling her he was moving in with Caroline.

When the shock finally wore off, Jess hurried back to Winston and Schmidt in the kitchen, in a fit of anger and confusion and more anger. She screamed incoherently at them, shouting things like "idiots", "dvd", and "lease" at them. After telling Winston that the glint from his golden hoop earring was "causing the fake plant on the counter to photosynthesize", she ran into her room and and paced back and forth in front of her bed, cross-armed. She wasn't going to watch Dirty Dancing. She wasn't going to listen to "The River" non-stop. She was going to stop Nick from making the biggest mistake of his life.

At least that's what she thought she'd do—till the sun set, and things started to get gloomy outside her own head too. The guys had gone to the bar and Jess told them she wanted to stay in. On hearing that, Nick gave her a look that lasted about two seconds too long but maybe she was imagining things. She had already shot herself in the foot by assuming there was always something more in the way they interacted. She needed to stop doing that and maybe there was no better time than now.

And so she found herself sipping away at a cup of tea that just wasn't tasting as good as it should have, trying to decide on a plan of action. Should she approach him and talk him out his decision? Should she wait for him to realize on his own what a mistake he was making? She would've continued battling herself if it weren't for the sound of fumbling keys at the door. The door opened and Jess was sure it'd be a slightly buzzed Winston and a frustrated Schmidt (broken man-parts and all) walking through it.

"Guys, you're back early! I'm sorry for going all crazy emotional on you, but today was ju..."

Nick, in all his flannel glory, stood before her, throwing his keys into a bowl on the table next to the door. Jess was caught off-guard. The two hadn't been alone since earlier that day and Jess wasn't sure what to say.

"Time of the month?", Nick asked casually.

"Huh?"

"Is it that time of the month? When you announce you are 'without child' and make me buy you chocolate and yell at me for "grimacing" too loudly"

Jess was even more confused than before. "What?"

"Are you on your period Jess!", Nick asked, giving up on the subtle references to yet another topic he felt uncomfortable broaching.

"Wha? No! Why would you say that!"

"You were apologizing for being crazy emotional. I figured.."

"No no no, I thought Winston and Schmidt were back, didn't think it'd be you. Why _are_ you back so early by the way? And where are they?"

Nick stretched his arms behind him, tiredly. "Winston's staying the night at Shelby's. Schmidt and Cece are planning activities for next week. I think Schmidt called it 'week the nex', without the sex'".

Jess rolled her eyes and smiled. "Morons".

Nick laughed and put his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. And I came back early because I have to start packing. Caroline wants us to start moving things out to our new place tomorrow".

Jess pursed her lips together, widened her eyes and nodded once. "Right." She turned around to walk away from him and back to the kitchen but stopped when he softly called out her name.

"Jess?"

"Hmm", she replied, hesitantly.

He walked slowly, tentatively towards her, rubbing his hands together like he did when he got nervous. He put his hands firmly on her shoulders, like the night after the fight. Jess' heart started beating noticeably faster. Was this the moment? Was he going to tell her how he felt for her? Did he manage to figure out for himself that Caroline was a mistake?

He began to speak

"I know you're only looking out for me but I need you on my side, okay? I know we've had our ugly moments but Caroline's a woman who's loved me for years and I need that in my life right now. I hate my job, I hate not knowing where my life is going, and she's something that I'm sure of. And right now, I need all the certainty I can get to keep myself from complete self-destruction. Okay?"

Jess' heart dropped what felt like 20 floors in a second. She'd done it again-she had been presumptuous. _"Obviously!_" she thought as she mentally smacked herself. _"He just told you he came home to pack. Get a grip!"_

"Jess?"

"Yeah, sorry. Um, yeah. If that's what you need, you got it." Jess uttered the words with the most passive aggression she could muster up without feeling downright guilty. She was the one who couldn't speak up the night Nick asked her for a reason not to get back together with Caroline. She knew what he wanted to hear and she denied him that. She didn't have the heart (or the strength) to fight with him again. Not just yet, at least.

Nick's face dropped a bit. He had seen right through Jess' insincere response, shook his head just the slightest bit, and let go of her. "Alright then, thanks. I guess I'd better get started then."

As he turned away and walked towards his room, Jess felt something tug at her heart, and a restlessness pervade her. With all the uncertainty in her life (she wasn't even sure what her plan of action was), all she knew was that Nick, one of her closest friends, someone she had grown to depend on, someone she had irrepressible feelings for, may never live in the loft again. As she set her mug on the table, she knew that, regardless of how she was going to go about confronting her feelings (if at all), she wanted to spend as much time with Nick as she possibly could.

"Wait!"

Nick stopped and turned around. "What now, Jess?"

Jess walked up to him, smiled as genuinely as she possibly could, and said "I'll help you pack".

"You'll what?"

"I'll help. I want to help. Especially since I know you'll realize you have too much stuff, have some variant of a nervous breakdown, and start chugging your "Black Keys" CDs out the window."

Nick laughed. "Wow. I've been really weird recently, haven't I".

Jess flashed him another half-hearted smile, uttered a "let's go" and followed Nick into his room.

(An Hour Later...)

_**Show me the meaning of being lonely**_

Nick jumped from his closet to the bed in microseconds to change the song that had begun playing on his laptop.

"The Backstreet Boys?"

"Shut up."

"Nick Miller listens to the Backstreet Boys? What, were you also just heartbroken to see Justin Timberlake leave N'Sync to go solo?"

Nick couldn't turtle-face his way out of this one, his shy smile only fueling Jess' bellowing laughter.

"For your kind information, I hated N'Sync. They were total rip-offs."

Jess laughed harder. "If you're kidding, please stop now, this is killing me."

"What! BSB were actually good okay, they were melodic! They had a choir boy _and _a bad-ass, all in one band! And remember that horror-movie music video they had for 'Everybody'? So ahead of their time..."

Jess smiled warmly at Nick for what felt like the first time in years, glanced at his "Wilco" poster and told him she was glad he moved on from what was clearly a bad phase. Nick chuckled and moved back to the closet to continue folding his clothes when Jess said "As long as you love me."

Nick was startled. "What?"

"As long as you love me. That was my favorite BSB song. I think it's cute that you liked them".

Nick smiled at her again and Jess realized how much she had missed them being normal with one another. As normal as they could be together, at least. She folded the clothes he handed over to her ("girls are good at folding"), recounting the memories she had associated with each article of clothing. The salmon colored shirt he wore on the day she freaked out at the thought of him having feelings for her (the irony), the green sweatshirt she had injured him in, his only tie. When he reached over to give her what she knew was his favorite red hoodie, he didn't let go. Jess looked at him.

"This one's not going to go in the suitcase."

"Oh okay, I'll just fold it and put it on your dres-"

"No, Jess. I want you to have it."

Jess was taken aback. "What?" she asked, with a half-smile and wide eyes.

"Take it. I've seen you wear it around the loft whenever you get chilly. I actually wanted to get all of you a little something before I left but I couldn't so you'll just have to like this."

"Nick, this is your favorite hoodie. You wear it more often than you eat breakfast."

Nick smiled. "Kinda makes me want you to have it more."

Jess' heart began to race. "_Relax, Jess"_ she thought to herself. "_Don't get ahead of yourself again"._

"Just take it, will ya!"

"Yeah, yes, thanks! I...I love it Nick, thank you." Jess had trouble getting the last few words out, her voice almost breaking, her eyes about to well up with tears. She closed her eyes, quickly collected herself, and managed to avoid her almost-breakdown. Nick started rummaging through a few of his drawers, his back turned to Jess, as she held the hoodie up to her face and took in Nick's scent. She had worn that hoodie a lot. When Nick would have double-shifts at the bar, she'd wear it while watching TV before bed, something they'd normally do together. She'd do her grading in it at the kitchen counter, the oversized, super comfy, Nick-laden hoodie making the hard work less stressful somehow. She was touched (and slightly embarrassed) that he had noticed her preference for it.

Lost in her own thoughts, she hadn't even noticed when Nick's laptop had begun playing "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, one of her all-time favorites. When the chorus started, all resolve she had struggled to find to avoid becoming overcome by emotion, to avoid complicating things even more for Nick, crumbled.

**Oh, Home**

**Let me come Home**

**Home is wherever I'm with you**

**Ahh, Home**

**Let me come Home**

**Home is wherever I'm with you**

Home. That's what she'd be losing when Nick moved out. She loved Winston and Schmidt and she loved the loft, but it just wouldn't be home without Nick. A tear trickled down Jess' cheek as she tried not to sniffle too loudly. She just couldn't make Nick's life messier, any more confusing. If only she had said something that night...

**Jade?**

**Alexander?**

**Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?**

**I sure do, you came jumping out after me.**

**Well, you fell on the concrete**

**and nearly broke your ass**

**and you were bleeding all over the place**

**and I rushed you off to the hospital**

**Do you remember that?**

**Yes, I do**

**Well there's something**

**I never told you about that night**

**What didn't you tell me?**

**While you were sitting in the backseat**

**smoking a cigarette you thought **

**was going to be your last, **

**I was falling deep, deeply in love with you**

**and I never told you 'til just now **

The song launched back into the chorus after the dialogue and Jess was now crying. She put Nick's hoodie on a hanger, hung it in the closet, and walked over to him. She wasn't sure if it was the lyrics she just heard, or how that song made her feel, or the fact that she just couldn't pretend to be happy for him. She slipped her hand into Nick's and turned him to face her.

She looked at him, tear-stained and heartbroken and no longer confused. "Because she isn't me."

Nick looked at Jess, worried and unsure. "Hey, Jess, why are you crying". He brought a hand to her face, and wiped away a few tears with the back of his index finger.

"Because she isn't me", Jess said, in between sobs.

Nick was utterly and completely confused. "What? I don't know what you're..."

"You wanted a reason from me, didn't you? A reason to not give Caroline another shot? Well here it is, Nick. Because she isn't me".

Nick stood before her, speechless. As the song faded away, Jess waited for him to say something, anything. A deafening silence engulfed the two of them as they stood together, face to face, hand in hand. As Nick opened his mouth to say something, the sound of his phone ringing startled them both. Nick squeezed Jess' hands, shook his head, muttered "Jess, I'm sorry but I can't do this right now", grabbed his phone and left a devastated Jess alone in his room.

**Author's Note: Don't be mad at me for leaving it here, guys! I will hopefully update sooner this time, the load at work should cut down soon. The next update will be written from Nick's perspective to explain why he reacted the way he did.**

**Please review! Your words are what get me to sit down and write, even in the midst of deadlines, due dates, and a packed schedule! Thank you for reading!**


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